The ridiculous absurdities of life


I'm looking rather grim and it's an accurate reflection.  I sat at my desk this morning trying not to lose it, trying not to go mad with worry and uncertainty — happy to be there for the distraction it affords, but also wishing I could get away (Hello, Southwest Airlines, someplace warm?) and wishing there was more — much, much, much, much MORE work and distraction.  Please keep me busy!  I am not busy enough.

I found myself this morning actually thinking that I wished that I still smoked (that's different than wishing) – it worked so well all those many years to stave off madness, relieve stress, redirect my focus.  It's the most ridiculous thought, on so many levels, not the least of which is that one of the main reasons for today's angst is that my sister had a full set of appointments with an oncologist and radiologist this morning – for as best a diagnosis, prognosis, and treatment plan for lung cancer that they can come up with.  I haven't smoked – and I most certainly, definitely, will not smoke — but how absurdly ridiculously stupid is that thought?

It's Stage 3B; chemo and radiation will start within the next two weeks.  I have cashmere and I know how to use it.

Speaking of ridiculous, if I hear ONE more person declare that they've chosen not to participate in this recession, I truly will go beserk.  What the fuck ARE they participating in?  Participate in something, will ya!?

Sorry.  I know.  It'll get better — and worse — and keep going like that.  That's how life is.  It just really sucks that there are so MANY "worse" things right now.  Seems like.  (I bet my biorhythms are WAY low.)

TGIF.  The weekend will offer some distraction in that I have a 3-month photo shoot tomorrow of a sweet little baby boy that I had the pleasure of photographing as a newborn.  That prospect alone brings a little smile.  From his house, I'll be heading to Madison and spending some time with my wonderful nephews so their mom can celebrate her birthday with their dad.  Happy Birthday, Annie!

23 thoughts on “The ridiculous absurdities of life

  1. Cashmere, kids, work…good distractions and the best way to stay upright and moving forward. Sending good thoughts and strong wishes for comfort.

  2. I am sorry to hear about your sister; my thoughts and prayers are definitely with you and her. Your thoughts aren’t stupid – coping mechanisms are powerful things and they don’t always make sense – and they serve a certain purpose, regardless of how crazy it may seem. Cashmere is a good substitute.
    As for the rest, I say vent away! Take care Vicki and enjoy that photo shoot.

  3. Oh, no … here’s hoping that the cashmere at least helps a little … it’s better than stabbing people with your needles!

  4. Here’s hoping there is a plan in place and you all received some much needed news.
    I’m right there with you on the not busy enough. You’d think life with a ten month old would be crazy busy – but it’s not. And I’m feeling a bit mad and housebound. Damn this cold weather!

  5. Oh dear. Grim indeed. Cancer really sucks. I’m hoping the cashmere and kiddies soothe and strengthen you. And if you’re looking for someplace warm to visit, consider the Bay Area (we have lots of room). Stitches West is just around the corner and Southwest flies into Oakland.

  6. Very best wishes for an excellent outcome for your sister. Cancer does suck. *hugs*
    Enjoy some fun time with your nephews. Dress warm, it is going to be rotten cold!

  7. I will hold your sister in my thoughts, and prayers.. and you as well dear Vicki.
    Please know that this CAN be beat.
    My Dad is 11 years cancer free from his lung cancer. (go Dad!)
    It is a difficult process.
    and I am sending so many ((hugs)).

  8. Oh my dear Vicki, cancer SUCKS more than anything. It’s the super sucker, in my opinion.
    I’m sending hugs, not they are helping but they can’t hurt. Keep looking for the beautiful things in life. You are good at seeing them and they will help. Minutely, but sometimes that is enough.
    love you!

  9. My heart goes out to you and your sister. My family went through this and it’s not easy. None of it. As we say in Holland, “heel veel sterkte” (wish you a lot of strength).

  10. I’m so sorry – Cancer sucks. I work in a pathology lab and type about cancer all day long. I hate cancer.
    channel that smoking idea into knitting, wow what you could crank out! Don’t however, channel it into eating. Ask me how I know…..

  11. I hope all goes well for your family and for you. This is such a ridiculous time, full of both hope and fear. I find your photo very arresting, it’s a great use of light.

  12. **huggs**
    Sorry to hear about your sister. I get the crazy “if I was smoking” brain dream – 7 years later and I still occasionally think they have mysterious healing powers. Stupid things.

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