I'm looking rather grim and it's an accurate reflection. I sat at my desk this morning trying not to lose it, trying not to go mad with worry and uncertainty — happy to be there for the distraction it affords, but also wishing I could get away (Hello, Southwest Airlines, someplace warm?) and wishing there was more — much, much, much, much MORE work and distraction. Please keep me busy! I am not busy enough.
I found myself this morning actually thinking that I wished that I still smoked (that's different than wishing) – it worked so well all those many years to stave off madness, relieve stress, redirect my focus. It's the most ridiculous thought, on so many levels, not the least of which is that one of the main reasons for today's angst is that my sister had a full set of appointments with an oncologist and radiologist this morning – for as best a diagnosis, prognosis, and treatment plan for lung cancer that they can come up with. I haven't smoked – and I most certainly, definitely, will not smoke — but how absurdly ridiculously stupid is that thought?
It's Stage 3B; chemo and radiation will start within the next two weeks. I have cashmere and I know how to use it.
Speaking of ridiculous, if I hear ONE more person declare that they've chosen not to participate in this recession, I truly will go beserk. What the fuck ARE they participating in? Participate in something, will ya!?
Sorry. I know. It'll get better — and worse — and keep going like that. That's how life is. It just really sucks that there are so MANY "worse" things right now. Seems like. (I bet my biorhythms are WAY low.)
TGIF. The weekend will offer some distraction in that I have a 3-month photo shoot tomorrow of a sweet little baby boy that I had the pleasure of photographing as a newborn. That prospect alone brings a little smile. From his house, I'll be heading to Madison and spending some time with my wonderful nephews so their mom can celebrate her birthday with their dad. Happy Birthday, Annie!